A mini-podcast created as the prologue to the upcoming travel podcast series: Between A to B, this piece relays how your host must say goodbye to the delicacies that will be unavailable during his journey on the Pacific Crest Trail, or PCT.
FULL TRANSCRIPT OF EPISODE
(BACKGROUND: Sound of radio and car engine as vehicle goes through a drive-thru.)
Taco Bell Employee: Hi, how are you?
Josh: Good. How are you?
Taco Bell Employee: I'm doing good. Go ahead and order.
Josh: Um... Can I get two Crunchwrap Supremes?
Taco Bell Employee: Okay.
Josh: Can I get one with extra sour cream?
Taco Bell Employee: One with extra sour cream?
Taco Bell Employee: Alright.
Josh: And can I also get four of those shredded chicken mini-quesadilla things?
Taco Bell Employee: You want four of them?
Taco Bell Employee: Alright. You want anything else?
Josh: No, that'd be it.
Taco Bell Employee: Any sauce?
Josh: Uh...if I can get some fire sauce...
Taco Bell Employee: Fire sauce? Alright, you got a Crunchwrap with extra sour cream and a Crunchwrap regular, four shredded mini-quesadillas and fire sauce. Is that correct?
Josh: Yes, ma'am.
Taco Bell Employee: $11.75. Please move forward.
(BACKGROUND: Sound of wheel turning, motor running, “Goodbye Stranger” by Supertramp plays on the radio. Josh whistles along.)
Taco Bell Employee #2: $11.75. Any sauce?
Josh: Some fire sauce, please.
Taco Bell Employee #2: Here you go.
Josh: Thank you.
Josh: I'm going to miss you, Taco Bell.
Postmark, Jan. 22, 2017. My darling taco.
I know rumors run wild of the quality and candor of your ingredients that comprise your being. But let me relay the truth as I, your darling admirer, view it. Although those around you may think with ill premises regarding your traits, I say loudly and with vigor, that they are wrong. While your enemies remark on the dangers of high cholesterol, I thump my own heart, as I know it beats in time with your own. While they plea the need for healthy greens, I wipe the lettuce from the front of my attire knowing it arrived due to your consumption. Kale be damned. Spinach has no place in my world. As for ugly claims that your beef (BACKGROUND: rustle of taco wrapper) includes sand (words distorted by full mouth chewing), rather than frown on such knowledge, I embrace it. For I know no other miracle worker, besides the great God almighty who hath the power to inject life into the dirt of this earth. God may have created humanity, but you have spawned deliciousness. Know that I am on your side.
It is with greatest displeasure that I must communicate a breaking of our relationship for the time being. Please hold your tears. Please, I cannot bear to cause such pain. I mean not to wound your gooey flaky crust or hurt your silica-flavored beef. Please understand that if access to such wonders of Mexican cuisine were available during my upcoming journey, I would not be writing this missive today, for I am leaving (words garbled by chewing) to venture among the mountains of the western seaboard. It will be a long arduous undertaking. And due to such restraints that foot travel creates, I shall be forced to carry only essentials.
That is not to say you are not necessary nor essential. Far from it. Rather, you weakness lies in the weight of your foodstuffs is not useful for long distances (I think that's what I say, my mouth is full of food at this point). If my back was stronger or my footsteps placed with an unending endurance, I would find the largest backpack on the market and inject your comestibles into every cubic foot available. But alas, my own human body, which carries a soul for you, is not strong enough. And so it is with regret that I write this letter today. Cry not, for even a journey of 2,600 miles will be finished one day. And we'll have plenty of time (words garbled by chewing) for better or worse.
Yours, Josh Ellerbrock
(BACKGROUND: Music replaced by “I Miss You” by Blink 182)
Greetings everyone. This is your host, Josh Ellerbrock, and I want to introduce you to my upcoming project called “Between A to B”. It's a 12-part podcast series released during my thru-hike of the Pacific Crest Trail. This episode, or minicast as I like to call them, is just a taste of some of the random things I hope to present to you while I explore the relationship between self and society on the PCT during the spring of 2017. Stay tuned for the first official episode due out April 16 (Note: Changes to release schedule has pushed the first release date a day later to April 17.) In the meantime check out my social properties on Twitter and Instagram. More details will be released in the days to come. Thanks for listening.
END OF TRANSCRIPT